Friday, January 21, 2011

CONFESSIONAL

This is sort of a confessional. I don’t know if I need absolution, probably not. But maybe others can identify with this place I am.


I have so many “good” ideas within myself; I might even consider them inspired. “Wouldn’t this be great?” “Couldn’t that be helpful?” And yet, I find myself, I don’t know, maybe paralyzed is the best word. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do any of them.

The most common question I ask is, “Why?” What is it that keeps me from moving forward with any of this? What is at the bottom of this lack of initiative? Maybe fear? Fear of failure? Fear that these things that I consider wonderful, important, valuable will not be viewed by anyone else with the same feeling?

My dear husband has suggested that, maybe, since we have been through so many changes in the last couple of years, we are just needing to have things be constant for a while.. I can see that, but to be honest, when then, will these dreams, these ideas have time to be realized? You do reach a place in life, a stage, if you will, where you can begin to see the end of your life. If I truly want to see some of these ideas happen, how long do I wait to try them?

Some of this probably seems like rambling….and maybe it is. But we don’t always understand how confession cleanses the heart and soul; so I am here, just doing it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Take comfort in the fact that you HAVE dreams and ideas...it shows that you are not a zombie! Ha ha
Rita B