Why Am I Doing This?

Have you ever been through a time when so many things are changing in your heart and in your brain that you can't keep up? For the last 4 years that's me. I want and maybe actually need to have a place to say some of these things outloud. There has been an overwhelming amount of new knowledge in my life; some invited, some not. Even the uninvited has been welcomed. The welcoming doesn't mean it's true, it just means I'm willing to consider it. With all the knowledge comes a realization that it does no good if it doesn't transform.
I continue to say this to God all the time. My prayer goes something like, "God, don't let me just keep filling up my brain. Please transform me. Make me a person who loves you more and loves everyone else more." Sometimes I have this fear that I am letting too much in. Then I notice how changed I am.
What do you think? Keep pouring in the new stuff and let God, in me, use what is useful, save what might be needed for later, and throw away what's not for me?
This won't be a profound, highly intellectual blog. I don't know how to be that. This is for me, not to wow people or convince them how smart I am.
I want God. I want to know how completely unknowable and yet discoverable he is.
Thanks for listening.