Prayer: Still trying to figure this thing out

This may be a bit of a rambling, but I need to put it into words.

If prayer is to change us, then why make prayer about talking to God? Why is it not just talking to, thinking to myself?  Perhaps the revealing of myself carves out space for God.

From Joan Chittister’s Called to Question: “ ’I don’t pray,’ people say to me.  And I say back, ‘Neither do I.  I just breathe God in and hope somehow to learn how to breathe God out, as well’.  The purpose of prayer is simply to transform us to the mind of God.  We do not go to prayer to coax God the Cornucopia to make our lives a Disneyland of possibilities.  We don’t go to prayer to get points off our sins.  We don’t go to suffer for our sins.  We go to prayer to be transfigured ourselves, to come to see the world as God sees the world, to practice the presence of God, to put on a heart of justice, of love, of compassion for others.  We go to become new of soul.”

So, if this is true, can/should we pray for needs?  Others needs?  Are we truly just praying for divine presence in whatever circumstance?  Is that the “best” we can hope for?  Is it possible presence really is the best?  Do I misunderstand God so much that I don’t get this?

Let’s face it, we have to question how often, if ever, God really has intervened at our request.  Oh, this could go so much deeper. If awareness, that which is attained through prayer, is what is needed, then is awareness what could possibly bring us to the mental, emotional state of healing, grace, peace? 

We read or have heard that in studies those who pray heal faster.  Is it an actual “hand of God” intervening or is it a healing of our anxiety, confusion, fear that brings our bodies to a place they can heal? 

After reading this chapter on prayer, I know I have been misled about prayer my whole life.  I don’t think God is magic or my servant, but I don’t think I have known the true essence, the true purpose of prayer.  Because of this I have experienced disappointment.  I have been filled with questions.

Does all this mean I won’t pray?  Of course not.

From Called to Question:

“Maybe we are forgetting to center ourselves in the consciousness of the God who is conscious of all of us. Maybe that’s why the world today is in the throes of such brutal violence, such inhuman poverty, such unconscionable discrimination, such self-righteous fundamentalism.  Maybe we are forgetting to pray, not for what we want, but for the sight, the enlightenment, that God wants to give us.

And if I pray, will I be able to change those things?  I don’t really know.  All I know is that the enlightenment that comes with real prayer requires that I attend to them not ignore them.”