Being on this journey lately has brought a question to the forefront for me. After all these years of "knowing" God, which is the most important to pursue: the presence or working for social justice?
Deep inside I long for a lasting sense of presence but when it doesn't come I can get discouraged or start analyzing my life to see what I may be doing wrong.
Looking toward the margins and seeing who or what I can touch is easier to "do" but is that all that I'm left with at this point in life. By saying "all" I am not minimizing the work of social justice by any means. I am trying to find where it fits in my own self. I was reminded the other evening that Marcus Borg says we are to pursue, we need both. I agree with that. However, Mother Teresa says once she began her work with the poor in Calcutta she never felt God's presence again.
Ouch, that hurts. I hurt for her, even though I'm sure she doesn't need my sympathy, but I also hurt for myself knowing that is a possible movement of God in my life. Working for social change is something I can actively move toward, do, accomplish. Being in God's presence is an anti-action. I find more and more God's presence is found in the emptying of myself, of quietness, solitude, openness. And then it is almost as though I have to just believe this One is with me.
Living through the 8 years or so of the incredible visitation we had makes the hole even deeper. And yet, at the same time experiencing the life giving joy of God's presence is beyond measure.
For the readers who have been with me for a while you will remember that I write this blog for myself; to help me put the overload of what is going on in my mind and heart into fewer words hoping to find resolution. So, knowing that, here is what I think today. I will be more active in moving toward those who need more but keep digging deep within myself to find the God who is there. I know God is there. Brad and I both had a realization this weekend after spending time with some folks: we are more contented, peaceful people than we have ever been. Who we have become is good. I can live with the awareness that God is present even if there are not as many visceral moments.
Saying this helps me live it.
2 comments:
Your post reminds me of what Samir Selmanovic wrote in his book, It's Really All About God: Reflections of a Muslim Atheist Jewish Christian, "The Worship of God begins with the sense of our Beloved's absence....All of our praise begins with dissatisfaction, and the dissatisfaction itself is a sign of God's presence, for we would never long for God if it were not for God's presence."
Your post spoke to my heart with your thoughts towards a constant balance I am trying to reach. But then, we are never really in balance if we are moving forward--at least one foot is always off the ground. This thought comforts me when I feel that I'm missing it in one direction or the other.
What a perfect picture for your post--a servant washing feet. A lot of soul growth in the midst of serving. Plus, some types of serving allow for quiet thinking--servants are seen, not heard, more often than not.
Thanks for putting my thinking cap upon my head.
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