Practicing

It can be quite easy to become weighed down by the reality of humanity.

That’s a depressing statement that I find myself agreeing with too quickly.  Which is exactly why I need to practice an awareness of the divine and mysterious that is everywhere around me.

I wonder why it is that we humans so easily and quickly have our attention drawn to the evil that is in men’s hearts. Is it so we can elevate ourselves above others and say, “Well, at least I don’t…” or “I would never do…”?

Through the last many years of reading, more from authors who have different faith traditions that I, those with more liturgical backgrounds, mystics, saints, I have been curious regarding the use of the word “practice” regarding faith.  I was more taught “do it” or “be disciplined”, which implies just setting your mind to it and you will be successful.

In every other area of our lives we understand practice.  In soccer you don’t just determine to kick a goal.  You practice kicking thousands of goals in all different circumstances and with all kinds of obstacles put in your way.  In music you practice, not just a piece of music, but scales, repeated fingerings on a keyboard.  In each of these you will get it wrong many more times that you get it right. But for some reason, with spirituality, with desiring to be all that is capable, we consider it failure.  This is one reason I walked away from my church in my early teen years.  I just keep failing.

 

Now, as my view of the divine and spirituality have changed, softened, grown(?), I am beginning to see my “failings” as I just need to practice more.  I don’t give up as easily.  If I make an intention to do something, every day, every week and then don’t do it; it is much easier for me to just sort to shrug my shoulders and say, “Well, I’ll try again”.

There may be days I feel so successful in showing love and care for someone and the next day I am faced with another who I absolutely cannot love.  Failure or the chance to practice more?

In the book In Search of Belief, Joan Chittister says:

                “[People] are not born perfect; they become perfect by failing.

                The conception, the impulsion, the kindling of Jesus by the Spirit of the Holy calls us to become less concentrated on sin and more on grace, less concerned with the restrictions of law, and more with the limitless possibility of love, less obsessed by the limitations of being human and more in awe of its potential.  It is humanity that is the womb of the divine for us.”

The more I practice being aware of God in everyone and in everything around me, the more my attention will be drawn to the good, the mysterious, the divine in humanity.

And this would be good for us all. 

               

 

Prayer: Still trying to figure this thing out

This may be a bit of a rambling, but I need to put it into words.

If prayer is to change us, then why make prayer about talking to God? Why is it not just talking to, thinking to myself?  Perhaps the revealing of myself carves out space for God.

From Joan Chittister’s Called to Question: “ ’I don’t pray,’ people say to me.  And I say back, ‘Neither do I.  I just breathe God in and hope somehow to learn how to breathe God out, as well’.  The purpose of prayer is simply to transform us to the mind of God.  We do not go to prayer to coax God the Cornucopia to make our lives a Disneyland of possibilities.  We don’t go to prayer to get points off our sins.  We don’t go to suffer for our sins.  We go to prayer to be transfigured ourselves, to come to see the world as God sees the world, to practice the presence of God, to put on a heart of justice, of love, of compassion for others.  We go to become new of soul.”

So, if this is true, can/should we pray for needs?  Others needs?  Are we truly just praying for divine presence in whatever circumstance?  Is that the “best” we can hope for?  Is it possible presence really is the best?  Do I misunderstand God so much that I don’t get this?

Let’s face it, we have to question how often, if ever, God really has intervened at our request.  Oh, this could go so much deeper. If awareness, that which is attained through prayer, is what is needed, then is awareness what could possibly bring us to the mental, emotional state of healing, grace, peace? 

We read or have heard that in studies those who pray heal faster.  Is it an actual “hand of God” intervening or is it a healing of our anxiety, confusion, fear that brings our bodies to a place they can heal? 

After reading this chapter on prayer, I know I have been misled about prayer my whole life.  I don’t think God is magic or my servant, but I don’t think I have known the true essence, the true purpose of prayer.  Because of this I have experienced disappointment.  I have been filled with questions.

Does all this mean I won’t pray?  Of course not.

From Called to Question:

“Maybe we are forgetting to center ourselves in the consciousness of the God who is conscious of all of us. Maybe that’s why the world today is in the throes of such brutal violence, such inhuman poverty, such unconscionable discrimination, such self-righteous fundamentalism.  Maybe we are forgetting to pray, not for what we want, but for the sight, the enlightenment, that God wants to give us.

And if I pray, will I be able to change those things?  I don’t really know.  All I know is that the enlightenment that comes with real prayer requires that I attend to them not ignore them.”

The Beloved Earth

“I believe in God…the creator…of earth maybe one of the most proclaimed – and least believed, barely practiced – assertions of all the propositions in the Creed.  In fact, religion itself has forever proclaimed the truth about the value of Creation on one hand and taken it away on the other.  Earth, we got the impression, was a kind of divine mistake.  Its temptations delayed our sanctification.  Its glories, beautiful but false, seduced us to substitute lesser things for the real values of life.  Its cycles simply reminded us of the inferiority of our own natures.  Dust we were and to dust we would return.  It pitted the material against the spiritual dimensions of life.  It misled us about the purpose of existence.  It was the forbidden apple in everybody’s life.

“The earth, we said, was the thunder roll of divine presence.  And then we proceeded to ignore its place in the flowering of the human spirit and the achievement of human development.  Creation loomed as a temptation to be overcome. “    Joan Chittister from "In Search of Belief"

I am lucky to have been raised by a father who loved nature.  He taught me to be observant of what was around me whenever we were outside the city. Not only did he love spotting some wild animal (large or small) but he taught me to read the signs of the wilderness. One time when Brad and I and our family were coming down from Glacier Point at the end of a week’s camping, our truck engine quickly became hot.  We had no water with us.  I was able to spot a water source not too far off the road.  We filled up whatever utensil we had, used a pair of my tights as a filter and were able to add enough water to get to civilization for repair. My dad was responsible for this.  

 When my mother was able to sell her business and have more time to do what she loved, she became quite the gardener.  Her passion seemed to be having her hands in the dirt and growing flowers, fruits, vegetables.

My mother and father turned a barren piece of high desert property into an oasis.  They started raising a hog and a beefalo every year.  My dad could not watch when the slaughter truck would come out to turn his beloved animals into the next year’s main course for both my parents and our family.  Even though he knew better, he loved those creatures.

Like my parents, I have grown in my passion for the earth.  I think this is one of the things that fascinates me about Native American spirituality.  If this God is the creator of all, and I have no idea how that really happened, then nothing that was created by this Mother/Father should we consider either evil or disposable.  We should passionately love this place we live and do what we can to care for it and preserve it.  I hope I can pass this to my grandchildren.  

 I hope I can help them hold on to the child-love of the dirt, the birds, the squirrels, worms and all the rest of our co-inhabitants.

SILENCE

I was very determined to post regularly to my blog.  But the incidents of last Friday have kept me silent.  I don't want to go into all the emotions and thoughts that have been mine this last week.  And, if you are a friend on Facebook, you already know some of those.

In the midst of reading the books I mentioned before, this horrific event takes place.  All it has done is make my questions about the Divine deeper and more plentiful.

I will be back.  I just need to do a bit more processing and let a bit more time go by.

Is Truth a Journey?

I'm reading three very interesting books right now.  It's hard to take time to reflect on all that I am reading.  I wish I could have someone sitting next to me, reading the same books, so we could discuss chapter after chapter.

Here is just one thought from my reflection this morning.  It's not that we have different truths or that truth changes.  It's that we are all on different paths in our journey so we have different views.  As we each continue on our path, turning corners, climbing hills, going down into the valleys, we may see each other's view of truth.  Sometimes we will never see it because it is our path and our journey. 

My dad had the most amazing ability to see animals in the wild.  I mean we would be driving 60 miles an hour and he would say, "Did you see that deer behind those trees?" Not only did I not see them but I couldn't turn my head fast enough as the road we were on curved away. 

I wonder if that is how it is that truth sometimes looks different to different people?

The Spirit of Redeeming

 

This morning I was listening to a guided meditation.  The leader suggested picturing all the people on earth before the coming of the Christ.  What were they doing?  What did it look like?
Then I was instructed to picture God standing somewhere in the heavens observing this same scene.  What did God think?  How was the decision made that some kind of redemption was needed?

My picture of earth was war, people fighting, yelling, being unkind, trying to make sense of life, striving to care for their families, struggling to do the right things.  I imagined God saying, "We need to help these people.  We need to show them a way to live that will bring peace and joy and happiness into their lives.  This is not what I intended."

God's solution was to send Christ.  If we observed the way he lived and worked at living the same way, our world would be a place of peace and joy; at least more of the time.  Could this actually be the ultimate salvation?  I'm not saying Christ's sacrifice was not part of it, but it did make me think that his death may have been almost a natural consequence of living the type of life that was so opposed to what was going on. 

I have observed that when you question, when you speak something that may cause the "normal" way of thinking to be challenged, the opposition rises up.  We get so uncomfortable when someone questions our ways; when someone suggests things may be different than we have believed.  When we are asked to at least consider living our lives differently, changing our hearts and our minds something in us rebels.

I want Christ's life and not just his death to be my salvation and the salvation of the world. I hope as I grow older I can continue to be pliable, soft, moldable, changeable.  It's hard.  It means sometimes doing things that aren't easy.

Time to Start Again

I often feel "inspired" to write something. Many times, I am just too lazy to act. I usually feel like it doesn't matter to anyone else, so why bother.  And, I think, "This thought will pass with no effect" so just let it go.

On one of my many trips to the library, I checked out Joan Chittister's book "Called To Question".  I read as much of her work as I can get my hands on.  By the middle of the first chapter I knew I had to own this one, to add it to my library of Chittister, Benson, Norris and Nouwen.  I wanted to be able to mark this book up good!

Early in the prologue, I found a quote that speaks for my heart as concerning writing.
Joan Chittister:
"Writing makes a person very vulnerable.  It opens you to public criticism, to ridicule, to rejection.  But it also opens conversation and thought.  It stirs minds, and touches hearts.  It brings us into contact with our souls.  So how can it possibly be a waste of time, an idle act, a mistake, a betrayal of truth?  Who can possibly tell us not to do it? '

I, myself, can't tell me not to do it.  From the first blog I ever wrote, I have said that I do it for myself.  The above speaks to this.  It stirs my own mind; brings me into contact with my own soul.
So, I will once again attempt this. 

If you are reading this, you will find for the next several posts I am caught up in Called To Question.  That is where my mind will be as I post. I have just written Joan (with very little assurance that she will answer me).  I shared some of my own deep question of walking this faith.  Maybe it will have helped just to put it to paper (ok, screen).

Please feel free to join this conversation as I write.  Here are the rules; actually just one: no name calling or labeling.