A Monk in the World

Wayne Teasdale has written a book, A Monk in the World. Many of us can understand when he writes: "What has nourished my mystical life are numerous and intense unitive experiences at the Divine's initiative. In these encounters, mysteriously offered to me unexpected and undeserved, the Divine Lover has invaded me, completely affecting every aspect of my being - my mind, will, memory, imagination, unconscious, body, sexuality, and emotions. Overwhelmed by God's invading Presence, I am saturated by the Divine's energies, its subtle actions within me, its intense but measured power. When immersed in union with God, ravished by the Divine's self-giving Presence, overcome in its inpouring love, and elevated into its vast mystery, I am unable to analyze, imagine, remember, or visualize. I can only be receptive, saying yes to God's extraordinary gift. Becoming more actively present to God, I can offer myself in the communion of love to this mysterious God, who remains always the Deus absonditus, the hidden God." pg 39

Oblate Progress

I wasn't sure how pursuing oblation would effect my life. I entered into this sort of blindly. I had certain desires one of which was a consistent progress for transformation.

Along with reading the Breviary each day, my daily reading includes Joan Chittister's commentary on the Rule of Benedict. This book has been the key for me. As she makes modern application to the Rule I find a tool to challenge and encourage my daily life.

One rule in particular has impacted me. It is from Chapter 66 of the rule: The Porter of the Monastery.

"(the porter is to be) prompt in responding to people with the warmth of love; and actually grateful for the presence of guests. When the person knocks - whenever the person knocks - the porter is to say, 'Thanks be to God' or 'Your blessing, please' to indicate and welcome at all times, not just when it feels convenient. In the Rule of Benedict, there is no such thing as coming out of time to the monastery. Come in the middle of lunch; come in the middle of prayer; come and bother us with your blessings at any time. There is always someone waiting for you."

In my desire to open a retreat center this is how I want my heart to be. And, not only regarding a retreat setting, but in my daily life. I want to look at each person I encounter as a blessing; a blessing and a gift of the moment. This may sound simple and expected but I know I have had times of not doing it well. Here is one. A few weeks before Christmas a man came to our door wanting to give us an estimate for new windows. I told him no, we were not interested. He continued to try to sell me. I finally closed the door as he continue on. Later in the evening I realized how unwelcoming I had been. The guy was just trying to make a living. Who knows what his living situation may have been. What if I had actually invited him in and offered him something warm to drink and asked him how he was. Impractical? Maybe. But I want to be that kind of person. Father, be gracious to me a sinner.

Recognizing Jesus

Last night at services the first scriptures of Christmas were read. Simeon and Anna had waited their whole lives to see the promise fulfilled. I wonder if I would have recognized Jesus if I were them? I'm sure he didn't show up in the form they expected. This was the One they had waited for? This was the One that would bring salvation to Israel? How could this be? And yet they didn't hesitate. They embraced his appearance and worshipped him without hesitation. Oh, how I hope I would do the same each time he comes into my life.

Losing My Way

My Advent frustration has somewhat continued. But at least I am aware of being lost. As I lay awake during the night I began searching within myself for what I had lost. I seemed to be so on track for many months; growing in awareness of God's presence, being stretched in knowing her, reaching for more. Then nothing. Feeling like I was back in the Dark Night of two years ago. Last night I found myself in a fog. A flashlight in my hand did not shine far enough in the thickness to see what I had lost. But, I was searching. That was the hope. In the effort to look I was being restored. This was one of those moments when The Eternal just comes and does it all. Not only was I able to name what was going on but the fog was beginning to grow thinner. I had several, what can I call them, spontaneous revelations of who my God is and how it feels to love and be loved by the one who created all. I was infused with hope and life. How can I say thank you in a way he knows I mean it? Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you.

Advent Frustration

I was determined this would be the best Advent I've ever had. I usually spend at least a couple of hours every morning reading. So, I carefully chose Advent readings and of course the readings from the Breviary.

Has this been a test? My mother-in-law is here for almost 3 weeks. Let me say right now she is a wonderful woman. However, just having someone here, a different feel in the house, has just messed me up. Plus we have had weather that has prohibited Brad from going to work. Too many bodies in the house! I am so disappointed with myself. Somehow I should have been able to work through this. Instead I find myself on the computer or watching the weather report. Aghhhh!

Now I will be asking myself what this means for me. Is it I am not as serious about my spiritual journey as I thought? Is it I should grit my teeth more and do it? It would be easier to overlook my lack if it weren't Advent. I mean now I have to wait a whole year.

I'm not too happy with myself today. Pray for me as you read this.

Making My Oblation

Another new adventure. Still thinking about what this will mean in my spiritual formation. Over the last 3 or so years I have been drawn to a more contemplative lifestyle. This doesn't mean I leave "the world". In September's visit with my spiritual director I asked her to teach me to pray. She responded first by saying she believed I knew how to pray. I went on to ask her to teach me about praying in a way I wasn't familiar with. How could I grow in my prayer?

Within a couple of weeks I had discovered St. Brigid's of Kildare Monastery. This is the only place I have found that allows one to follow a way of prayer and yet not live in a monastery. It was an answer to my request to learn to pray in a new way. On Sunday I took my oblation vows that now leads me into a year of discernment.

Ok, I don't know what all this will look like. There is one other reason this draws me. With moving this year I want something consistent in my spiritual life. When life changes come, it is easy to get distracted. With all I have experienced and learned over the last 5 years I do not want to loose the forward momentum of spiritual growth and change. Learning to live by St. Benedict's Rule will give me that stability and consistency.
It all feels a bit strange but so has many other things during this journey. I'm willing to walk it out and see where it leads me. It has been part of my Advent this year. Waiting. Watching for who is to come.

Jesus in Plain Sight

The Gospel reading for the second Sunday of Advent is Mark 1:1-8

...Prepare the way of the Lord

Make his paths straight.

This of course comes from Isaiah 40

.....Make a highway for the LORD through the wilderness. Make a straight, smooth road through the desert for our God.
Fill the valleys and level the hills. Straighten out the curves and smooth off the rough spots.
Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The LORD has spoken!"

Several years ago my own revelation came through these verses. Isn't it saying make it as easy as possible for people to see God? If someone is approaching on a road that goes up and down hills and around curves you can't see them coming. We are told to re-engineer the road. Smooth the hills, straighten the curve. Why? So we and others can easily see his coming.

With so much talk about what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and not acceptable (ok, I'll say it...specifically the GLBT issue) does this apply? How do we make the road smooth and straight for those marginalized in the world? Are we making it easier for them to see Jesus. Are all our shoulds becoming bigger hills and more severe curves? Can they see Jesus as he is approaching? If we can all see him coming, we will all run to him. Then he can do with us as he will with his grace and his mercy. I'm more concerned about the glory of the Lord being revealed and people seeing it.