I was determined this would be the best Advent I've ever had. I usually spend at least a couple of hours every morning reading. So, I carefully chose Advent readings and of course the readings from the Breviary.
Has this been a test? My mother-in-law is here for almost 3 weeks. Let me say right now she is a wonderful woman. However, just having someone here, a different feel in the house, has just messed me up. Plus we have had weather that has prohibited Brad from going to work. Too many bodies in the house! I am so disappointed with myself. Somehow I should have been able to work through this. Instead I find myself on the computer or watching the weather report. Aghhhh!
Now I will be asking myself what this means for me. Is it I am not as serious about my spiritual journey as I thought? Is it I should grit my teeth more and do it? It would be easier to overlook my lack if it weren't Advent. I mean now I have to wait a whole year.
I'm not too happy with myself today. Pray for me as you read this.
3 comments:
I can relate. As you know, I have 4 kids in a not-so-big house. It is a constant struggle for Chris and I both to find time, space, and quiet to read and contemplate/meditate on God. I find myself on my computer as well, because I guess it feels like I don't have to concentrate there as much as other things. But reading through people's blogs and such still often point my face toward God. I try to remain contemplative.
When you came to TFH and spoke about being contemplative you said, (this is what I got from it anyway), it wasn't about being perfectly quiet, but about being present with God in the moment with whatever is going on around you, being aware of all the sounds, noise, etc. while still being in with God's. That helped me a lot. I have been able to sit and listen to my boys making all kinds of noise and still feel like I am able to feel God's presence amidst all the goings on in our house.
Don't beat yourself up. You are still walking on the path laid out for you. You haven't turned. God is there to help you work it all out.
You are in my prayers, friend.
(Sorry for all the typos.)
Thanks, Kim. I wonder if we ever get to the point that we live out what we say we believe. I appreciate your encouragement. It always helps to have someone come along side and speak peace and truth. Maybe this really boils down to not having control??? Hmm.
I hope your family has a joy filled Christmas day. I remember how much I loved Christmas with my kids. I'm hoping next year we will all be in the same place plus we will have that new baby. How fun!
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