THE QUESTIONS OF FRIENDSHIP

My husband is my best friend. We said many times while living in Seattle that it was a good thing we really liked each other because we spent so much time together. And, we really did enjoy it.


But, today, I want to ask questions about friendship. If you want to answer them, to share your own experiences or to add to the questions; please do.

1- Is friendship really necessary to happiness?

2- Should friendship come by “accident” or by an intentional searching?

3- Where would you go or what would you do to make new friends?

4- Do you have friends who are very different than you?

5- Should you have friends who are very different than you? (I’m referring to religion, ethnicity, age, political biases)

6- Can you have strong disagreements with your friends and it not affect your relationship?

7- Do you wish you could have those kinds of discussions with them?

8- What place in your life do your friends take; how much time should you spend with a friend; what kind of things do you do together; is your significant other included?

9- Is true friendship a dream or a reality?



I’m reading a book right now that has triggered all these questions. I think they are legitimate questions. I also think our lifestyles easily prevent us from developing these kinds of friendships. These are just my musings and wonderings today. I started to say I’m not really looking for answers but I don’t think that’s true.

CONFESSIONAL

This is sort of a confessional. I don’t know if I need absolution, probably not. But maybe others can identify with this place I am.


I have so many “good” ideas within myself; I might even consider them inspired. “Wouldn’t this be great?” “Couldn’t that be helpful?” And yet, I find myself, I don’t know, maybe paralyzed is the best word. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do any of them.

The most common question I ask is, “Why?” What is it that keeps me from moving forward with any of this? What is at the bottom of this lack of initiative? Maybe fear? Fear of failure? Fear that these things that I consider wonderful, important, valuable will not be viewed by anyone else with the same feeling?

My dear husband has suggested that, maybe, since we have been through so many changes in the last couple of years, we are just needing to have things be constant for a while.. I can see that, but to be honest, when then, will these dreams, these ideas have time to be realized? You do reach a place in life, a stage, if you will, where you can begin to see the end of your life. If I truly want to see some of these ideas happen, how long do I wait to try them?

Some of this probably seems like rambling….and maybe it is. But we don’t always understand how confession cleanses the heart and soul; so I am here, just doing it.

PASSING THE PEACE (and accepting it)

I have become aware of an ache in my heart. It is for peace. I, personally, am not going through a time of great turmoil and trauma and hurt. That is not the place I am yearning for peace.

It is the peace of the earth I long for. The hatred sewn by others as well as that created in us because of our own history; the violence done throughout the world; the dishonoring of each other; the disrespect of a culture other than my own. It is all so heart wounding.

If we keep moving fast enough, if we keep being busy and disengaged from the world, can we block it out? Can we just do a tsk, tsk during the evening news? I hope not. How can we stop it?

I don’t presume to have the answer. But here are a couple of fanciful thoughts. Maybe they would help:

1-Perhaps “passing the peace” as we meet people throughout our days. No really, what would happen if instead of “hi” we spoke “peace”. Ok, some of you are just thinking that this old hippie has gone round the bend, but maybe it would affect not only others but ourselves.

2-Don’t listen to any prejudice, hatred, judgment or condemnation from others including the media.

3-Begin to read literature that sows love and peace and trust and value for others. Can we re-wash our brains to become instruments that honor and esteem one another?

Not only does humankind need this peace but the earth itself. Sometimes I think it also aches for those who are to be its stewards to sow love and peace not just on each other but on it.

This is a type of spirituality that I long for. Spirituality is the way we live out our lives. No matter where on the spectrum of believing in a transcendent mystery you are, this is a spirituality we can reach for and live.

So, enough………PEACE TO YOU.

WRITING WITH FEAR

Fear?


A few months ago a friend sent me an article about blog writing. I finally got around to reading it. It’s one of those things I read and think, “I needed to hear this.”

“Probloggers such as Daniel aren’t afraid to let their true selves out. They embrace the fear of writing something that people might disagree with. They put themselves in uncomfortable positions because they want to stand out from the crowd.

Many of you hold back from saying what is truly in your heart. You’re afraid of the reaction that might occur. This is completely understandable, but the only way you will break through and create a blog that people keep coming back to is to create something that people can’t get anywhere else.

You have to create connections with people that allow for deep connections.” (Karl Staib-Daily Blog Tips)

This article made me aware that one of the reasons I haven’t been blogging much is this very thing. Before we made this last move from one city to another, I seem to have no fear about what I wrote. Not that I would be offensive to anyone, but just willing to speak what was in my heart, my mind; where my emotions and challenges were.

I don’t know what there is about being back in this place where I come from that makes me more concerned about what I express. On New Year’s Day one of my daughters asked me what my goals were for 2011. Not being a person who really thinks that way, I was actually very grateful for her question. It became a needed challenge for me. I did respond rather quickly with a couple of things but I now add this to my list:

I want to write freely, without fear, without concern of judgment, with a willingness to be open, vulnerable and transparent.

Crossing the Threshold

For the last couple of months I continue to ask myself the same question:

     What difference does "knowing" God make when I walk out the door each day?

What about my life reflects a spirituality of love and peace?  I'm not talking about going out and witnessing.  I'm talking about leaving some kind of touch of mystery on everyone I meet.  Is this an impossible dream?  Maybe.  But, surely, there has to be some kind of trail (think vapor trail) left where I travel. 

Awareness of God in my life can't be just about me.  As nice as it is to sit each morning in my "cell" and read, think, pray; my world must feel the presence of this great, holy one. 

Especially with the events of last Saturday in Arizona, peace, honor and love must somehow come to the forefront.  How can I encourage that?  How can I draw that out of others?  How do I woo the God image out of others?

What's Coming?

I picked up a book today that has been on Brad’s bookshelf for a few years. I think he had to read a selection from it at SU. I may have even looked at the book myself but it wasn’t my time for reading it.


Today, as I began, I felt that uncomfortable feeling stirring within. This book was provoking some anger. I’m not sure what the anger is directed at. Well, maybe it was this same feeling from a few years ago; this is going to mess with me. I realized the many books I have read in the past year were books I could nod my head to and say, “oh, yes, I agree with that”. I’m not sure this book is going to illicit that same kind of response.

But, those aren’t the kind of books that change us; the books we can give mental assent to. I’m not going to mention the name of the book at this time. Trust me, the title, alone, would make you shake your head, not nod. However, I’m ready for some stirring….I think.

This last year of transition has been enough in itself. You can only have so many things poking at you and pulling at you at one time.

This book would be a great one for a book club. There is a bit of fear in me though about starting one, especially with this particular subject matter. That is a little off track but it is part of my thought process as I begin this written journey.

Pain and Life

My heart seems to continually be in pain lately.  I am repeatedly astounded at the cruelty humankind displays.  We seem like a weapon aimed at hurting.  How can we, created with the express purpose to love, find dominance and revenge and judgement such a huge part of living?

A friend recently posted a video on FB about Oogle, a dog rescued from being a "bait" dog for dog fighters.  The news article about the Muslim taxi driver who was stabbed when he answered the question about being Muslim.

Even as I type these stories my heart feels like it is getting bloated with the pain.  I keep finding myself saying, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry."  Oh God, I am sorry that we have come to this. Yes, I know there is much good and beauty in the world.  But, that cannot be an excuse for the awful and ugly in the world.

I feel like the whole earth needs to take a very deep breath and learn to be still and present.  Can we stop this?  I don't know.  What I can do is watch how I walk today.   Watch my words, watch my thoughts, watch my actions.  And perhaps there is one more thing.....gently and without judgement perhaps speak to hurtful situations I come across. 

It's kind of like we need a slap to the face for a reality check.  Remember those old movies where the guy slaps the woman to try to get her to see what is really happening?  (Of course I think those kinds of visuals in movies is a contributing factor to the way some men treat women.)  But the point is "we need to get a grip". 

God is not going to magically change the world.  That is what we are here for.  We must, I must personally take responsibility to end cruelty, prejudice, pain, suffering.  I just hope that today I can "act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before my God".

(Thanks, Denise, for bringing this passage before me.)