But, today, I want to ask questions about friendship. If you want to answer them, to share your own experiences or to add to the questions; please do.
1- Is friendship really necessary to happiness?
2- Should friendship come by “accident” or by an intentional searching?
3- Where would you go or what would you do to make new friends?
4- Do you have friends who are very different than you?
5- Should you have friends who are very different than you? (I’m referring to religion, ethnicity, age, political biases)
6- Can you have strong disagreements with your friends and it not affect your relationship?
7- Do you wish you could have those kinds of discussions with them?
8- What place in your life do your friends take; how much time should you spend with a friend; what kind of things do you do together; is your significant other included?
9- Is true friendship a dream or a reality?
I’m reading a book right now that has triggered all these questions. I think they are legitimate questions. I also think our lifestyles easily prevent us from developing these kinds of friendships. These are just my musings and wonderings today. I started to say I’m not really looking for answers but I don’t think that’s true.
4 comments:
I have quite a varied mix (ethnicity, culture, faith belief/unbelief, age, gender) of friends. However, there is a common thread between us which draws us together creating the unique gift of friendship. I've found friends in many place, but mostly where I hang out a lot.
Yes, I am able to have strong differences with a few friends (not all, by any means). This takes a certain level of maturity and security on both our parts. I can think of one friend in particular who I've known since nursing school. She and I are on opposite ends of the political and faith spectrum. Our 'discussions' are lively and I often come away with a 'new' (different?) way of looking at issues though most often we agree to disagree. We are able to end our get togethers on good terms. She holds a very special place in my heart. I love the longevity of our relationship.
As I ponder your questions, Cathy, I realize what really makes for a close friend, no matter how similar or different from me, is acceptance (lack of judgement) no matter what might be going on externally.
Currently, my greatest frustration is lack of time to devote, maintain, and cultivate friends both new and old. I'm appreciative of my friends who understand this and hang in there with me anyway. And, yes, I've 'lost' a few friends because I was not able to spend as much time as previously in another season of my life.
I cannot imagine living this life without the gift of friendship, which I've enjoyed in its various forms since I was a little girl. For this I am truly thankful.
Good Job on a thought provoking post. Hope others will respond, as well.
1- it has been my lifeline TO happiness. friends lend so much to reasons for living another day... i personally don't do as well living and doing things alone. however, i can and have, and enjoy being by myself for a time.
2- i think i tend to make friendships happen. when someone comes into my life such as moving into a new neighborhood or going to a new job, i have put in the time and effort to make friends. i think it is by "accident" , though, who comes our way. the friendships that stick are because we find things in common and reasons to stay connected.
3- i think the way to answer this is by how i got nick to make friends at his new apt. complex. i told him to take his football and go mingle amongst the boys outside. be proactive. ask them if they want to play football. he was able to make three groups of friends by doing this in a week.
in other words, i think being proactive brings friends into our radar.
i think for me i would make them where i may have things in common , ie, church, my neighborhood. i have found that work friends stay work friends. once we leave work, unless we intentionally work at it, we only see them at work.
4- yep! even jeanne!! i found especially when i went to church i remember thinking the only thing i have in common with these people is jesus, and yet, we loved to hang out with each other because of that one particular bond.
5- (I’m referring to religion, ethnicity, age, political biases) i think that answer is a resounding, "YES! i think it has kept me out of an "us vs. them" mentality, or at least, kept me sensitive to it. the conversations are much richer and more energizing when friends come from different backgrounds. the friends i don't much care for are those who don't allow me to be different from them!
6- hmmmm... a tough question... i think it can and does affect friendships. i think the friendships that make it after such disagreements are those that on both sides choose to celebrate each other's view point, and move on from it.
7- very much so....but tough sometimes to hear their answers because it might be hurtful.
8- i think over the years, i have seen my relationships as concentric circles. the more quality time spent, the closer to the middle of the circle they are. i have learned over the years, that not everyone needs to be in my closest circle, that not everyone cares or needs to know everything about me. i want to continue, though, to treat all friends no matter where they lie, as my best friend. it can become tough, though, when there just isn't enough time in the day to spend that quality time with all. friendships are most important to me, and having jeanne as my significant other, it makes it a challenge to spend the same quality time with all as i used to. those that enjoy jeanne's company, also, though, we all spend the time together. i like that most of all.
my favorite things to do with friends are active activities: backpacking, skiing, cycling, movies and meals. i love to spend time with friends doing the things i love! that's the best kind a outing.
9- i think true friendship is a reality. i believe it takes effort, though. lots of effort on both sides to get strong friendships going, especially in our society where "i'm so busy" is a regular quote. i'd rather say,"i'm busy with friends who want to hang out with me!" true/long lasting friendships take time to develop, and it is neccessary to spend the time and energy to keep them fresh. - Carol
The above comment is not from me but from Carol. She emailed it directly to me and I wanted to share her answers.
I forgot to ask you the name of the book you mentioned you're reading which prompted these questions on friendship?
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