"My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
...Thomas Merton
I think this explains why I have not been blogging for the last few weeks. I can spend only so many days being peaceful in not understanding what is going on within. Then I reach a point where I seem to just shrug and give up. But the stirring is getting too strong. I must keep exploring the path; BELIEVING it is going somewhere. It will lead to the one who made the path and made me. This doesn't mean my faith (being a follower of Christ) has been in question. It means my patience is wearing thin. But what choice do I have? As Merton says..."But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing." Also I agree with Merton that I don't really know myself. Will I ever? Do I look at myself through my own eyes or through the eyes of the one who cares for us all?
Today I go on.
1 comment:
Amen, sister.
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