A Memory - Yet Present

I came across this in one of my journals from last year.  Realizing I still feel this way, I decided to include it here.

Walking the beach at Cayucos, this awareness comes creeping up slowly.  I don't even recognize it's arrival.  As I try to identify it; I guess at it's meaning.  While standing by the waves as they endlessly, tirelessly continue to come, I feel how small and insignificant I have become.

Is there really not to be anymore to my life than it is right now?  Was my life at some point purposeful and directional?  Or do I just remember it that way?

I suddenly feel as though I have been born to a new life; one vaguely connected to my previous one.  As I think about this it is as though I have been dropped into this place with a directive - "so, go...live!"

I have to be honest with myself - I don't know how to "so, go...live!"  Am I not to have some great purpose?  What would be said about me when I die if this is the extent of my "power and influence"?

If ----big question here---this is my path, how do I learn to walk it with joy and satisfaction?  How do I discover the possibility of more?  How do I let that possibility go?