A NEW EXPERIENCE

Last Friday I joined United Way in a day of caring for the homeless.
When I became aware of this event I knew I wanted the experience.
Living in Seattle has definitely exposed me more to the homeless and in visiting Fresno made me more aware of the obviously growing problem there.
At the day of caring I was at a station where we washed feet and gave them new socks. There were over 70 services available: Veterans Services, DSHS, eye exams and glasses, flu shots, checks to get a Washington State IDs, pregnancy tests, new shoes and more. We sat waiting and the doors opened. Men and women came pouring in. What was interesting was that they headed for one particular area. I had to know what drew them so. The big draw was sleeping bags and backpacks; their home furnishings and necessities.
It was obvious these men and women weren't quite sure what we were there to do so I walked out to the middle of the main aisle and began to invite them to have their feet washed and receive new socks. Here was my 2nd lesson of the day. It was very humbling and embarrassing for them to bare their feet to anyone.
After about 45 minutes they began to come and sit. Every person I served apologized for their feet as they removed their shoes and socks. It was hard for them to do. They can keep the visible part of themselves clean and somewhat groomed; but their feet are usually hidden and so are not a priority. I would just chuckle and tell them there are very few pretty feet out there.
The first man was Mark. He was pretty quiet. I asked him how long he had been homeless. He said just the last couple of years. He said he has always worked....until now. What was most remarkable about this man? About 2 hours later he came back looking for me. He told me thank you and that having his feet soaked, washed, massaged and clothed with new socks was the best part of his day at this event. It was hugely humbling to know you had been a part of that experience.
A 23 year old young man told me he was originally from Senegal. He first lived in Atlanta but heard Seattle was a good place to live. He told me how blessed he was. Then he leaned over and showed me his head. He had been beat with a baseball bat while living on the streets. He had a scar that started at his hairline and went to the crown of his head and then over to his ear. He went on to say how dangerous it is. Lifting his shirt he showed me scars where he had been stabbed several times. Again he said he was blessed. He shouldn't be alive. Picking up and opening his backpack he showed me several bottles of prescription medications. Because of his head injury he now has about 6 grand mal seizures a day.
Next came Mohammed. He was the first who seemed a bit hard. He was probably the most apologetic for the condition of his feet. But as I massaged his feet and calves with lotion he started to smile. He wanted to know why in the world I would do this. He has served several terms in prision.
Sydney was 53 years old. When I asked him about his homeless history he said it was Hurricane Katrina that started his journey. Being left with no home and no job he started journeying form one city to another to find his place. He had one felony that he confessed was committed during a 6 month stint of drinking himself out of control. He has now been dry for 2 years. He is hoping to start city college this month. I just let him talk for about 20 minutes. I realized these people have no one who will just sit and listen. While I was washing his feet he suddenly turned to check on his 2 new back packs. In realizing how his action must look he explained that on the street and in shelters you always have to guard your things. His has been stolen twice. He told me how to keep money safe and how to sleep with your backpacks safe.
One man considered himself an expert on carcinogens. He certainly had a vocabulary beyond mine. Warned me of things I shouldn't eat or natural foods to help fight the effects of those foods.
I heard a young man next to me say he was from Fresno. So I said I was also. I asked him why he moved here. He said he is married and has 6 kids. In Fresno, the best job he could get was at MacDonalds and he didn't make enough money to take care of his family. He had heard things were much better in Seattle so he moved his family here. He also said that nothing like this event and the services offered are available in Fresno.
The one woman I served was pregnant. This was not her first.

My day was a very humbling one. Seeing how exposed these men and women felt in baring their feet. Watching them relax and say "ahhhh" as they were able to just sit and soak their feet in warm water. Seeing these brothers and sisters as just that. They were kind, thankful, just trying to make their lives better in some way.
Another lesson in guarding myself from judgement. The homeless are not scary, evil, less than human. They are us.
This is true - it was a blessing to serve these people.
My challenge? Could it be possible to be part of organizing something like this in Fresno when we get there? Is that some idealist thought or could it be a reality?
Advice to others? If you want to give to those on the corners, at the intersections.....sleeping bags and backpacks.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING?

I just got back from a walk. My intention for my walk was two-fold. First I wanted to just observe the creator through the creation (thanks Susan). I also wanted to stop in at Holy Rosary Church a few blocks from our house.

It was much brighter than most of the Catholic churches I have been in lately; probably because it is newer. I first lit a candle and prayed for our house. Maybe I keep hoping God will get tired of hearing it and do something!

As I went on to explore a bit I entered the chapel area. Really nice niche. More candles, icons, statues. I discovered that in the 3 rows of pews there are all kinds of books on prayer, meditation and other subjects to encourage you in spending time. I also had my ipod. Hope they didn't consider that sacrilegious but I wanted to listen to some of the wonderful, intimate music that came from renewal as I walked and sat.

I found my heart being pulled. I folded down the kneeler and took my place. As I closed my eyes I had such a strong longing for someone to come and place their hand on my head or my shoulder. I actually had the thought that if they did I would grab their hand just to keep it there. Then I realized. It has been 5 years since I have felt the care of a shepherd. Even when we were the shepherds I knew there were others there who watched over my soul and encouraged my spirit. I didn't realize until today how much I miss that and have needed it. To have someone actually "keep watch over my soul" is such a gift.

It was nice to sit in that place and just be completely lost in God.

Those of you who read my blog regularly know I put a lot of effort in finding a picture to speak to my written message. The above was the best I could do. How do you image someone caring for you at that level?

And, I found another book to order. (Will it ever end?)

I hope anyone who reads this has someone who cares for their soul and spirit. You are indeed blessed.

WHERE RUTHLESS TRUST TAKES YOU

Every once in a while I read something that becomes a "shaper" of my life. In continuing in Manning's "Ruthless Trust" I came across this story from the life of John Tauler (14th century).

"Tauler found a barefoot ragamuffin in rags, wounded and caked in blood. Tauler greeted the man
cordially: 'Good morning, dear brother. May God give you a good day and grant you a happy life.'
'Sir,' replied the ragamuffin, 'I do not remember ever having had a bad day.'
Stunned, Tauler asked him how that was possible, since sadness and grief are part of the human condition.
The beggar explained, 'You wished me a good day, and I replied that I cannot recall ever having spent a bad day. You see, whether my stomach is full or I am famished with hunger, I praise God equally; when I am rebuffed and despised, I still thank God. My trust in God's providence and his plan for my life is absolute, so there is no such thing as a bad day.'
He continued, 'Sir, you also wished me a happy life. I must insist that I am always happy for it would be untruthful to state otherwise. My experience of God has taught me that whatever He does must of necessity be good. Thus, everything that I receive from his loving hand or whatever He permits me to receive from the hands of others - be it prosperity or adversity, sweet or bitter - I accept with joy and see it as a sign of his favor. For many, many years now, my first resolution each morning is to attach myself to nothing but the will of God alone. I have learned that the will of God is the love of God. And by the outpouring of His grace, I have so merged my will with His that whatever He wills, I will too. Therefore, I have always been happy.'"

This story humbles me. Is it really possible to live like this? If so, it is only through a contemplative, mindful way of life. Manning goes on to define "ruthless" trust: trust without self-pity; because self-pity is the arch- enemy of trust. He also admits that self-pity is a normal part of human experience but there is a way to handle it without it destroying trust.

How would my physical and emotional being change if I lived like this? How would those I encounter be changed if I lived like this? One word comes to mind when I try to describe life lived with ruthless trust - serenity.

My hope is that my desire for this is at least the beginning of living like this. It will be a moment by moment way of living. I will have to remind myself many times throughout the day. But, I think Christ would smile.

Listening to the Music

Continuing in my reading of "Ruthless Trust". First I so love how the one who loves me provides these readings when I need them most. I am grateful.
Manning relates being mindful with listening to the music all around us every moment. Everything we hear is music, even the silence. Or maybe I should say every noise is music because many times I don't hear it because I don't listen for it.
All of this is another way to say don't worry about tomorrow. Live in today. I become so focused on what WILL happen or who I WILL be instead of embracing what is happening NOW and who I am NOW.
(digression - now don't interpret what I am about to say as being stupid)
The past doesn't really matter. The future doesn't really matter. For all I know there may be no future for me. All the time I allow myself to worry either about the actual tomorrow or next year or 5 years is such a killer. No, I mean a killer. It kills my joy. It kills what is happening now. It kills the wonder of the moment. It kills the blessing of the now. It kills part of me. It kills the music.
We have decided to rent the house. The decision process of the last few days has been hard. One minute I'm so happy that we will be moving forward. The next I am so scared. No jobs. No income. No equity to cushion the decision. But I am trying to listen to the music of today. I can't be paralyzed by not knowing if the renters will be good renters; will something happen to the house because of the crazy wet weather up here (which is always a part of life in the Pacific Northwest); will we able to sell next year or the next?
The music today is playing a song with lyrics that say: take a walk, a slow walk with Ollie, rejoice that you will soon be moving, enjoy the food you have for today, sit by the window that looks into the trees and just be.
I'm going to work on this today. Just today. Tomorrow I'll listen for the music again.