Being a Woman

I have been reading a book titled "A Woman's Journey to God".
I bought this at a library book store not really knowing what it would be like.
It has been one of those books that change your life. From this
author I have become aware of how much I have rejected being feminine. Women will relate to this: don't show emotion, it makes you look weak; not embracing the whole "girlfriend" thing. I don't know it's hard to put into words for me.
I wish I could have do overs - for my whole life. I wish I could raise my daughters all over (and my son but for different reasons).
Being feminine is such a mysterious thing. No wonder so many men don't "get" us. But it is the mysterious aspect that makes us so like God.
I have this great desire to lead retreats for women about being feminine; about truly loving who we are; about being spiritual.

Bonus:
I always take a while choosing a picture from flickr to use in each blog. It probably takes me more time to choose the picture than to write the blog. It has to speak to me. It has to be what I am trying to say. If you want a treat go to flickr and just search "women". It was so hard to choose. These women are gorgeous. I wanted to be Indian, I wanted to be Asian, I wanted to be African. I felt boring after looking at these photos.

Sleepless Night

I didn't get much sleep last night. Concern, no flat out worry, for someone I love. This morning, feeling like I can only waste the day not knowing what to do, I decided to read several emails from a source I subscribe to. I collect them in a file and then read several at a time and then save them for the future.
In one from last month I came across an instruction on meditation.



This passage is from Theresa of Avila:
"Let nothing upset you
Let nothing frighten you
Everything is changing
God alone is changeless"

Spirituality is not just thinking about God or trying to get closer to God. Spirituality is how you live your life. My whole life I have heard the question, "Why do bad things happen to us? I try to follow God. It doesn't seem fair or right." I am coming to understand (or at least try) that my spirituality has to do with how I live through those kinds of things. Do I fight against them? Do I get overcome by them? Do I try to smile and act like they don't impact me? The answer I want is that I just walk with them. I sorrow over the things that hurt me or the people I love. I see the pain in the things that just don't seem fair. But, I accept that this is life. Being spiritual is not escaping the everday-ness. It is immersing myself in it. Doesn't mean I don't pray for relief, answers, healing, blessing; but my spirituality is not founded in how that turns out. Can I walk with the Divine through all of this? Can I be on a journey with mystery and observe all that is around me and not give up; not wonder if the One has forsaken me or stopped loving me? This is hard. It was easier when my faith said, "just pray and everything will be better". There is no guarantee in that. My faith and spirituality is looking deeper inside me. Being ok with me. Knowing I am not alone. It is times like this when I need an experiential knowledge of the blending of God's transcendence and immanence. I can't live without both those images.
I will continue to meditate on this passage all day. I hope it goes so deep in me that when I lay my head down at night it oozes out.