Loving One Another

I've done so many things wrong (something inside me wants to scream, "but I've done so many things right!" -pretend I didn't say that).

We are all the same. We try to live the best lives we can. We strive to know who this God is and what she wants and how we can be. We are all the same.

That is the base of our love for one another. Not pointing out how we are different, not pointing out how we are trying differently. But, that we are trying.

Loving one another is like a magnet that pulls us together. Hmmm, interesting that it is opposite poles of the magnet that does the pulling. We must encourage each person we know to continue their reaching for God. It may look different to us. It may even make us uncomfortable. But if they are reaching for this One, love says, "Keep going". Words of critisim and judgement toward a person is like screaming at them, "You'll never get there!"

How about instead we help create a wide space for our friends to explore and discover. Oh, I know some who read this will immediately say I'm allowing for people to believe anything. No, I'm not allowing anything. I'm trying to say there has been too much pain and seperation caused by saying, "you're wrong, you can't do that".

Love does not repel. Love pulls in. Love attracks. Love draws close.

(Sometimes I get so frustrated with my inability to articulate what is in my heart. I end this because all I have right now are tears)

In Honor

Today a little girl-child died. My heart hurts. I didn't know her. I know part of her extended family. I can't imagine the pain that is surrounding this event. Many are walking through the valley of the shadow of death and all I know to pray is, "God be their comfort".

Hospitality

Everyday I pray a prayer that I have written. And I mean everyday. It ends with asking God to make me what I wish I were, what I hope to be. Mostly this has to do with being hospitable; with being a welcoming person.
One of the most impacting readings I have done from the Rules of St. Benedict is about the porter. He is the one who opens the door to anyone who comes to the monastery. He is to either say, "Thanks be to God" or "Your blessing, please" to each person who enters. There is never to be an inconvenient time to visit the monastery. This has shaped so much of my reflection for many months.
A week or so ago I began reading The Wounded Healer by Nouwen. The theme has come face to face with me again. Let me quote:
"Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler. ....Like the Semetic nomads we live in a desert with many lonely travelers, who are looking for a moment of peace, for a fresh drink and for a sign of encouragement so that they can continue their mysterious search for freedom." Oh God. This is not just so many people out there. This is me.

"God make me be what I wish I were, what I hope to be" This is what I hope to be. I think more than anything else. This is loving my neighbor as myself. I find myself out of words.

Who Is God?

I'm just home from Eucharist. During the evening this thought kept running through my mind.
We say, "God is this, therefore God cannot be that".
"God is not that, therefore God must be this". What if:

God is this,
and that,
and this,
and that,
and this,
and that,
and this,
and that.........

God cannot be described. God refuses to be limited. My image of God will never be complete.
Sweet, frightening mystery.

The Path Continues

"My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

...Thomas Merton

I think this explains why I have not been blogging for the last few weeks. I can spend only so many days being peaceful in not understanding what is going on within. Then I reach a point where I seem to just shrug and give up. But the stirring is getting too strong. I must keep exploring the path; BELIEVING it is going somewhere. It will lead to the one who made the path and made me. This doesn't mean my faith (being a follower of Christ) has been in question. It means my patience is wearing thin. But what choice do I have? As Merton says..."But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing." Also I agree with Merton that I don't really know myself. Will I ever? Do I look at myself through my own eyes or through the eyes of the one who cares for us all?

Today I go on.